Bubbapalooza Starring Ned – Florida Theater – Jacksonville, FL

Bubbapalooza Starring Ned – Florida Theater – Jacksonville, FL
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Editor’s Note: The writer of this article is a sightless person and the work originally appeared on his blog: The World Through the Eyes of a Blind Man

all photos courtesy of BTLS.com

Bubba The Love Sponge® brought his insane brand of entertainment to the Florida Theater this past Saturday in beautiful Jacksonville, Florida to an awestruck crowd.

We arrived at the theater around 4:40. While waiting for our tickets, I met the show’s Miller and Manson, who both thanked me for coming out. Manson asked how I got to the show, and I jokingly said I drove, and he shot back with, “Shouldn’t that be illegal?”

I met a bunch of people while waiting for the tickets, including Bonnie from Buffalo Grove. After getting our tickets, we were given bags packed with stuff (Bubbapalooza Jacksonville shirt, TSS-Radio shirt, a flyer for clips4sale.com, keychains, and a pass to Bubbaraw.com). Once inside, the first person I met was Spiceboy, who thanked me for coming out. While we were chatting, he took my cane and playfully hit me with it. Next I met Brent. I wished him the best of luck on his throat surgery (Brent had a pee-sized cyst on his vocal chords that was removed successfully), he thanked me for that, and also thanked me for coming to the show. After going to the second floor, I met Tom the Treeman (the show’s punching bag) and Carl Harris (he does promos for the show’s various contests). From there I met Janie Cakes (Bubba’s Mom), Tara (Bubba’s Sister), and Jeff (Bubba’s step-dad) who were all enthusiastic to meet me. You know you’re doing a great thing for the show when both Janie and Tara give you props. I talked with Manson again, then it was on to Bubba. He thanked me for coming out, gave me an ear grip and took a picture. I then met Heather, Bubba’s wife, she was very nice and also took a picture.

After the meet and greet and before the show I hung out with some fans, met show regular B-Fudd, who marked out, and when I asked him to say my name, he said “Blind Laura”. Jesse James Dupree, a good friend of the show, kicked things off with his band Dixie Inc. Their set was at least forty-five minutes. About fifteen minutes later, the show started. In a filmed introduction, Ned welcomed us, then Hulk Hogan, then the live show began. Manson came on and sang a song welcoming us to the show, to the tune of “Song 2” by Blur. Spice came out and welcomed us to the show, drunk and high. He bagged on Bubba, Hogan’s divorce, then brought on Miller, the Executive Producer of Content for Bubba Raw. Miller did some stand-up, comparing how a regular company handles things when you screw up vs. how the BRN treats you.

Regular company

  • First screw up – Verbal warning
  • Second screw up – written warning
  • Third screw up – Suspension

How the BRN does it, from Miller’s experiences.

  • First screw up – consume a pubic hair burrito
  • Second screw up – asshole shocked
  • Third screw up – Cameraman for homeless ball licking

After his set, Spice came back on and introduced Brent. Brent thanked everyone for coming, then went right into his set, which is a spoken word routine. He discussed three things that will help the economy.

  • Legalize gambling
  • Legalize prostitution
  • Re legalize marijuana

He explained how all three would increase money for everyone. He said how when you’re on marijuana, all you want to do is eat. He dedicated his set to Henry Rollins, then introduced Manson.

Manson came out dressed as justin timberlake, and did “Bringing Fatass Back”, which is on both “Bubba Show classics Vol. 2” and “Bubba Show classics Vol. 6”, tracks 2 and 5, respectively. The song makes fun of Bubba’s increasing weight, with 25 Cent filling the Timbaland roll. After that he did a King Bubba routine (the voice sounds like Stewie from Family Guy). he said how Bubba will make an army, but charge them money for the uniform.

He then said how the show has gotten some strange callers over the years (Calvin the Cowfucker from Friday July 6, 2007, George The Shitter from Monday March 13, 2006, The Ham Bandit from Wednesday March 19, 2008, and the Ham Fucker from Thursday April 3, 2008). He then went into an imaginary situation where a caller wanted to sell a video tape of Big Foot licking peanut butter off of his Sister’s pussy to TMZ, and he wanted Bubba’s spin on it. We then heard a drop of the late Evel Knievel saying “Stop calling me on the phone, you motherfucker!” He then said how he’s the only guy left who fucks his wife, he then said how that should be a TV show on the Discovery channel, “The hunt for the only guy left who fucks his wife”. He did a Crocodile Hunter impersonation, and said how they’ve been trailing him for three weeks, but were unable to find the guy who fucks his wife. When they do, their gonna kill him, as he’s spoiling all the fun. Manson then performed “You Love Nascar”, a parody of “All-Star” by Smash Mouth. It originally appeared on the now out off print double album “The Todd Clem Project”, released on November 7, 2000 (disc 2, track 9). It is available on “Bubba Show classics Vol. 3”, track 11. After Manson’s set Spice came back on and announced it was break time.

During the break, I got my picture taken with Stormy Daniels, a porn star and good friend of the show. Once back inside, I met Pantera, a man who I shaved during the Blind Olympics on Wednesday July 16, 2008. I then met Jabberjaw, a woman who was fired from Bubba’s radio rival MJ Kelly.

The second set started, and Bubba came out, thanked the fans, then proceeded to express his displeasure with Sirius satellite radio, MJ Kelly, and radio duo Lex and Terry. He brought out the girls (his Mom, his sister, his wife, Brent’s wife Amanda, Dave Rice’s wife Tiffany, and Manson’s wife Donna). he then introduced a guy named Frogger, real name Denzil Lewis. Denzil has known Bubba for twenty plus years, and is a cop in Bubba’s hometown in Indiana. Frogger was booed relentlessly throughout his set, which lacked substance.

Denzil then introduced 25 Cent, who said how working at the BRN is like being an animal in a lion’s cage, comparing Bubba calling someone to the studio like a lion selecting which animal to eat first. Bubba came back on and did a rap song called “40s and Blunts”, something he did back in his Power Pig days. The track appeared first on the now out of print album “Bubba’s boys With The Base” track 4, however it does appear on “On The Chip” disc 1, track 21 as a hidden track. He then brought up Hammil, a guy who he’s known for years. Hammil owned the website Voyeurdorm.com for a while, he sold the company for millions. He said he found a pair of panties in Spiceboy’s suitcase, which he then proceeded to insert in his mouth. He then played a song called “Spiceboy Dreams Of Fucking Heather”, a parody of “Friends In Low Places” by Garth Brooks.

They then brought out B-Fudd from Seattle, a mildly retarded man who is an all-around good sport. As he entered the stage, we heard the last few notes to “Also Sprach Zarathustra” by Richard Strauss, which was used in the opening credits to 2001: A Space Odyssey. He came on stage and said “To all the people who kicked me around during school, fuck you.”

Bubba came back on and was ready to torture Tom The Treeman, when he noticed my cane sticking up. he said, “Blind Lawrence, can you see anything from where you are? All I see is your big fucking stick.” He then asked the audience if they knew who I was, a good portion of the people made some noise, and he then proceeded to say how this guy knows everything about the Bubba catalog. “He can tell you any talk break, where it’s at in the iTunes library, he’s amazing”.

The torture of the Treeman began – tator mits, a plate of tacs, then some rubbing alcohol.

After the torutre ended the headliner was introduced – Ned! The lights were turned down, and he came out and said “I am Nedly Mandingo, and I…am a chicken fucker!” He then broke into “Flap Flap” found on “Ned’s Parody songs Vol. 1”, track 25, a parody of “Smack That” by Akon. After that he called Brent Hatley to the stage to wish him best of luck on his surgery, but Brent didn’t come out. In retaliation, Ned did a mini Brent Hatley concert. Here’s what his mini concert consisted of.

After that, Ned then did some stand-up which was very George Carlin-esque. It focused on how magical certain words and phrases are. While dingle berry is a dumb word, it’s a beautiful insult. The phrase “sucks donkey dicks” is an excellent phrase with an excellent visual, and cum is a great thing. He said how Terri Schiavo is really every man’s dream woman. She never talks, she’s got a liquid brain, and she’s always happy to see you. “Terri I’m home, blink twice if you don’t want me to fuck you.” He then did “Radiostar” from “Ned’s Parody Songs Vol. 2”, track 16, and is a parody of “Rock Star” by Nickelback, where Ned bags on Bubba. As the finale, he did “Acid On My tongue” from “Ned’s Parody Songs Vol. 1”, track 12, a parody of “Blister In the Sun” by Violent Femmes, which describes various situations that happened to Ned while under some substances. Bubba came out for the final time, thanked the fans, and the show was over. All and all it was a great night, one that will truly go down in history as one of the coolest events I’ve ever seen.

Bubba’s Official Website

BubbaRaw.com

BubbaArmy.com

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